Mutant Bride
by todd fan
Summary: Act 9 up! Rogue sings a song of remorse. A really crappy update, sorry, but it IS an update!
1. The paupers

Mutant bride

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "I'd like to attend your imaginary wedding; but I'm really busy that day. I have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun Bar Mitzvah"

**&&&&**

Oh yes, it's…ANOTHER PARODY! This one is Tim Burton's Corpse Bride, enjoy!

**&&&&**

Act 1 – The Paupers

**&&&**

We open our parody in the rather gloomy town of Bayville.

"Was it always this gloomy?", asks Pyro, from where he sits on a directors chair.

"Nah, special effects", smiles Forge.

Anyway. We open to where Scott is sketching a picture of a butterfly he's keeping in a jar.

"I'm not a horse!", says Scott happily, "**I'M NOT A HORSE!**"

Scott finishes his sketch, putting the book away and opening his window, letting the butterfly flutter off to freedom, while he remains in his little house of gloom.

"Ooooooh", says Pyro, "meaningful-y"

The butterfly flutters past the townsfolk as the first musical beat starts. It passes past the fish shop near Scott's home, where Hank and Jason are cutting up fish.

"Why?", asks Jason, "just…..why?"

"I dunno", Pyro shrugs, "Gotta fit you in somewhere, plus Bobby wanted monkey slaves"

"These make my fur smell", mutters Hank, "and technically, I'm more of an ape than a monkey"

From the crowd, looking ritzy, Lucas walks through into the square.

"I finally have a significant role in a parody", says Lucas, "about bloody time too. I mean, my father only **LEADS** tae X-Men, not like I have important connections or anything!"

"Sorry, what was that?", asks Pyro, "I was looking at the pretty butterfly"

Lucas looks up as Juggernaught, dressed as a town crier, walks about…town crying.

"Here ye, here ye, ten minutes to go before Summers' wedding rehearsal"

"…..I'm right next to ye, Uncle Cain", mutters Lucas, "….ye dunnae have tae smash my ear drums"

The butterfly flutters by Lucas' head. Lucas hisses at it and waves it away. Meanwhile, finishing his half of the fish cutting duties, Hank gets onto a cart, pulled by Lancitty.

"Damnit", says Lance, "I knew this would happen"

"Well, they couldn't use Jott", says Kitty, "at least we've only got a few scenes"

Hank coughs rather unhealthily as the cart turns in the square, heading for Scott's house, almost running over Gabrielle.

"Watch it!", snaps Gabby, shaking her fist.

Hank ignores her, the cart stopping outside Scott's house, Scott looking at it worriedly. Out of the front door, Scott's…umm…parents, Bobby and Jubilee step out.

"This is wrong on so many levels", says Bobby

**It's a beautiful day**, sings Jubilee.

"……What part of the wrongness are you not getting?", asks Bobby, **_It's a rather nice day_**

**A day for a glorious wedding**, sings Jubilee, wielding her fan around like it could very well kill someone.

"Yours?", asks Pyro, with a frown, "I thought it was someone else's…."

"You're an idiot", says Bobby.

_**A rehearsal my dear, to be perfectly clear**_

Jubilee gives Bobby a look that suggests correcting her mid-song isn't a good plan at all.

**A REHEARSAL for a glorious wedding**

_**Assuming nothing happens that we really don't know**._

**That nothing unexpected interferes with the show**, sings Jubes, looking at a puddle, then glaring at Hank.

"Oh, sorry, I forgot I was your monkey slave", says Hank.

He sighs, taking off his scarf for Jubes to step on to get into the carriage as the couple sing in unison.

_**And that's why everything.**_

_**Every last little thing**_

_**Every single, tiny, microscopic little thing must go**_

Jubes sticks a top hat on Hank's head as she hides the fishmonger signs on the carriage.

**According to plan**

_**Our son will be married**_

**According to plan**

_**Our family carried**_

Lancitty blinks boredly at them as they sign in unison.

_**Elevated to the heights of society**_

"……I feel so used", sniffs Scott from his window.

"I know, it's awful, in'it?", says Pyro, watching as Bobby and Jubes dance around randomly, "okay then"

**To the costumed balls**

_**In the hallowed halls**_

**Rubbing elbows with the finest**

"You **ARE** using me!", blinks Scott, "You evil…people!"

_**Having crumpets with Her Highness**_

None of them notices Lucas sneakily watching from a corner, who winces as they sing in unison again.

_**We'll be there**_

_**We'll be seen**_

_**Having tea with the queen**_

_**We'll forget everything**_

_**That we've ever, ever been**_

Jubes climbs into the carriage, getting stuck in the door.

"It's my dress, it's caught!", she snaps, even if it's clearly** not** her dress which is the problem, "…are you insinuating I'm fat!"

"You have gained a few pounds", says Pyro, "or seven"

Bobby and Hank reluctantly try to lever Jubes in, all the while her claiming it's her dress, and not her.

"Where is Scott?", snaps Jubes, "We might be late!"

"Annnd cut!", says Pyro, "wow this musical number is huge, it spans two acts!"

**&&&&**

If he knows what's good for him, he's hiding. Do review. Until next time…


	2. The aristocrats

Mutant bride

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "You gotta ask yourself; Do you wanna be the big spoon or the little spoon"

**&&&&**

Act 2 – The aristocrats

**&&&&**

We open on someone watching Jubilee struggling to get into the carriage with binoculars.

"Pervert!", snaps Jubes.

The 'pervert' turns out to be Amara, who frowns, putting down the binoculars to look at Warren.

"I get to be married to Warren!", she squeals.

"Why am I always a snob?", sighs Warren.

"Why is Rahne always a dog?", asks Pyro, "It's what you are, mate"

"Fish merchants", says Amara in disgust, to which Warren gives a non committal grunt.

**It's a terrible day**, sings Amara.

"Now don't be that way", sighs Warren, evidently bored.

**It's a terrible day for a wedding**

"It's a sad, sad state of affairs we're in", says Warren.

**That has led to this ominous wedding**

"An ominous wedding?", blinks Pyro, "man, I never thought a wedding could be ominous"

"How could our family have come to this?", asks Warren.

"To marry off our daughter to the nouveau riche", he sand Amara says in unison.

"Their so common", sniffs Amara.

"So coarse", agrees Warren.

"Snob alert", says Pyro, "this is a snob alert, we have snobs in the building. This is not a drill"

"Oh, it couldn't be worse!", sobs Amara.

"Couldn't be worse?", asks Warren, "I'm afraid I disagree. They could be land-rich, bankrupt aristocracy. Without a penny to their name. Just like you and me"

He opens a safe, which is empty, and full of cobwebs. Dani, dressed in a maids outfit, walks past, dusting away the cobwebs.

"From star to maid in one fell swoop", she mutters.

"Oh, dear", sighs Jubes as she and Warren sing in unison.

_**And that's why everything**_

_**Every last little thing**_

_**Every single microscopic little thing must goooo**_

Pietro, in a butlers outfit, speeds over, sticking a picture over the safe, which he spins to become a picture of a scary baby….which Amara and Warren pass in the hallway, which is littered with odd looking relatives.

"**SCARY BABY!**", screams Pyro

**According to plan**, sings Jubes

**_Our daughter will wed_**, sings Warren

**According to plan**

_**Our family led**_

_**From the depths of deepest poverty**_

As the pair walk, Pietro follows behind them, straightening pictures and butling well.

"Can I keep this suit?", asks Pietro, "seriously, I could do something with it!"

"Besides burn it?", asks Pyro, then giggles, "burn"

Jubes and Warren ignore their director as they continue to sing.

**To the noble realm**

_**Of our ancestry**_

_**And who would have guessed in a million years**_

_**That our daughter with a face**_

They pause by a picture of Jean.

"Like an otter in disgrace", says Warren, then blinks, "what the…."

"Oh, thanks!", snaps Jean offstage.

"I'm writing that one down!", says Pyro, pulling out a notebook, "Otter in disgrace"

_**Would provide our ticket**_

_**To a rightful place**_

We zoom in on the picture of Jean, which becomes the real Jean, having her corset tied by Dani, who is pulling a little harder than needs be.

"Oh, Danielle", sighs Jean, "What if Scott and I don't like each other?"

"**HAH!**", laugh the cast.

"As if that has anything to do with marriage", scoffs Amara, "Do you suppose your father and I like each other?"

"We saw you in the trailer", grins Pyro, "That was very naughty, Mr. The Third"

"Shut up, Pyro", says Warren.

"Surely you must a little?", tries Jean.

"Of course not", they say in unison.

"Get those corsets laced properly!", snaps Amara, "I can hear you speak without gasping"

With that, her 'parents' leave her. Jean blinks.

"Wow, I feel loved"

Outside, Scott gets into his parents carriage, which races off to the mansion.

"You certainly hooked a winners this time, Scott", smiles Bobby.

"Don't talk to me like you love me, you're using me", pours Scott.

"In character, ya freak", says Pyro.

"Now all you have to do is reel her in", says Jubes.

"I'm already reeling, Mother", says Scott, who is indeed looking considerably pale, "Shouldn't Jean Grey be marrying a lord or something?"

"Oh, nonsense!", says Jubes, "We're every bit as good as the Greys. I always knew I deserved better than a fish merchants life"

"Seriously, ouch", says Bobby.

"But…I've never even spoken to her", says Scott.

"Well, at least we have **that **in our favour", snaps Jubes.

"Ahh, loving families", smiles Pyro.

They look up as Hank makes a not very healthy coughing sound. Jubes bangs on the roof, annoyed.

"Henry! Silence that blasted coughing!".

"Thanks for the concern", says Hank.

In the mansion, Amara and Warren head downstairs to meet their guests, as Pietro dashes around, dusting.

"Marriage is a partnership, a little tit for tat", says Amara, petting Warren on the head, "You'd think a lifetime watching us…"

**Might have taught her that**

**Might have taught her that**

They steps down the stairs, singing in unison.

_**Everything must be perfect**_

_**Everything must be perfect**_

_**Everything must be perfect**_

_**Perfect**_

Outside, the 'Summers'' walks to the door, singing as well.

_**That's why everything**_

_**Every last little thing**_

_**Every single tiny microscopic little thing must goooooooooooooooooooooo**_

_**According to plaaaaaaaaaaaan**_

"And cut!", grins Pyro, "Man, I'm glad that musical number is done"

**&&&&**

Wee another act done. Next up, our couple finally meet! Do review. Until next time…


	3. A meeting

Mutant bride

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Remember, nothing says "good job" like a firm, open-palm slap on the behind"

**&&&&**

Act 3 – A meeting

**&&&&**

We open on the Grey estate (which is really the Worthington estate, but let's not get into that right now), where Pietro opens the door, showing Jubilee trying to tidy up Scott's hair and shirt.

"Look at the way you're standing!", she scolds, "You look like you've got rickets or something!"

"…I feel so loved", says Scott with a sigh.

Jubes noticed everyone staring at her and chuckles nervously, leading her 'family' inside.

"Oh!", she says impressed, "Beautiful, innit?"

Pietro sniffs haughtily.

"Brownnoser", he mutters under his breath.

"Pot, kettle and black, Pie-Pie", smirks Pyro.

"It's not as big as our place, Dear", says Bobby, "Bit shabby, really, isn't it?"

Jubes smacks him with her fan.

"**Shut up!"**

Bobby winces, backing away from her.

"Last time I give you an ice rose", he mutters under his breath.

"Lord and Lady Grey", says Pietro, as they come down the stairs, "Mr and Mrs Summers"

"Why, you must be Miss Jean", grins Bobby stupidly at Amara, "Yes, I must say, you don't look a day over twenty"

"….I'm sixteen", says Amara.

Jubes smacks Bobby with her fan again, clearly enjoying having an excuse to do so.

"Smile, Darling", whispers Amara to Warren, who is looking glum.

With a great amount of effort, Warren manages something between a sneer and a malicious grin.

"…That'd scare babies away, easy", says Pyro.

"Well, hello", says Warren through his 'smile', "What a pleasure. Welcome to our home"

"Oh, thank you", giggles Jubes, fanning herself, "Oh, sexy Warren"

"…..Standing right here", says Bobby.

"We'll be taking tea in the west drawing room", says Amara, leading them off, "Oh, do come this way, it's just through here"

"Oh, I love what you've done with the place", says Jubes, "Who is your decorator?"

The 'parents' walk off, leaving Scott standing in the hall.

"…..Am I actually needed at all for this arranged marriage?", asks Scott.

He sighs, looking at an old piano with a single piece of heather in a vase on top. He plays a single note, before sitting down, playing happily.

**Can I play the piano anymore?**, he sings.

**Of course you can!**, sings Pyro.

**Well, I couldn't before!**, sings Scott. (1)

From up in her room, Jean hears the piano playing, going down to investigate, seeing Scott playing a semi-funeral march.

"Oh, that's nice", she mutters, walking over to him.

Scott finally realises she's there and squeaks, jumping up, knocking the piano chair over and making the vase fall down. He catches the vase before it breaks, looking sheepishly at Jean.

"Do forgive me", he says shyly.

"You play beautifully", smiles Jean.

"I…I do apologise, Miss Grey", stammers Scott, "How rude of me to…er..well…Excuse me"

He picks up the piano stool, going an interesting shade of scarlet.

"Mother won't let me play the piano", says Jean, "Music is 'improper' for a young lady. Too passionate, she says"

"Oh, I hope she gives him a heart attack", grins Pyro, watching as Scott gets redder.

"If I ask, Miss Grey", says Scott nervously, "..where is your chaperon?"

"Perhaps, in view of the circumstances", smirks Jean, "you could call me Jean"

"The circumstances of getting' hitched and all", chuckled Pyro.

"Yes, well, of course", Scot laughs nervously, "Jean"

"Yes, Scott?", asks Jean, cocking her head to the side.

Scott stammers, wringing the tie around his neck as he does so.

"Tomorrow, we are to be m…m…m.."

"Married", says Jean happily.

"Yes", says Scott nervously, "Ha…married"

"…I'm beginning to see why it took these two so long to hook up", says Pyro.

Jean smiles softly, ignoring Pyro.

"Since I was a child, I've dreamt of my wedding day", she says, sitting down at the piano, "I always hoped to find someone I was deeply in love with. Someone to spend the rest of my life with. Silly isn't it?"

"Yes, silly", says Scott, "Ha"

"……How do you **EVER **get dates?", asks Pyro.

Scott's eyes widen as he realises what he just said.

"No. No, not at all", he says, trying to dig himself out of his hole, "No"

He sits next to her on the piano, knocking over the vase.

"Oh, dear, I'm sorry", he says, picking up the vase.

Jean smiles, handing him the flower. Just as he takes it, the parents arrive.

"What impropriety is this?", gasps Amara.

"…Not like they were going at it on the piano or anything", says Pyro, then coughs, "not that I've ever done anything like that myself…"

"You shouldn't be alone together!", snaps Amara, "Here it is, one minute before five and you're not at the rehearsal!. Pastor Apocalypse is waiting, come at once!"

",……You made Apocalypse a pastor?", grins Pyro, flipping through the script, "boy, I really should read this in advance!"

**&&&&&&**

(1) – If you didn't catch on, this is not a song from the movie. It's Dr Zaius, from the Simpsons.

Oh yes, he is. Next time, a wedding rehearsal goes wrong. Do review, until next time…


	4. A rehersal gone wrong

Mutant bride

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "And the plot thinnens"

**&&&**

Act 4 – A rehearsal gone wrong.

**&&&&**

Three hours after their meeting, Jean and Scott are in their wedding rehearsal. Scott, apparently, is having issues.

"Master Summers, from the beginning", says Apocalypse in his 'trying not to maim you' voice, dressed as a pastor, "Again".

Poccy clears his throat.

"With this hand, I will lift your sorrows", he recites, "Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine. With this candle, I will light your way in darkness. With this ring, I ask you to be mine"

"That is one of the funkiest vows I've ever heard", whistles Pyro, "Did you make that up, Apocalypse? Mind if I call you Poccy?"

"No and yes, respectively", says Poccy, "**I will crush your puny head in my pure and deadly grip!**"

Pyro blinks at him.

"Uuuuuummm…yeah, maybe next week", he says, "I'm all booked up right now"

Poccy ignores Pyro, looking at Scott.

"Lets. Try. It. Again"

"Yes", squeaks Scott, "Yes, sir!"

He holds up a little candle, Jean holding a similar one.

"With this candle…", he pauses, trying to light it on a bigger one, it just not lighting, "This candle….This candle"

"Tee hee", giggles Pyro, "Having fire powers is so much more than burning things"

Scott doesn't pay attention, still trying desperately to get the thing to light.

"Shall I get up there and do it for him?", asks Jubilee in a not-very-whispering voice.

"Don't get all aflutter dear", says Bobby, then pauses, mouthing 'aflutter'.

Scott looks at both sets of parents, none looking amused in the slightest. He looks at Poccy who does a Throat Clearing Of Doom ™. While he has been gawping at everyone, he sees the candle has lit.

"With this candle!", says Scott triumphantly, then breaths on it, putting it out, "…oh, fudge"

"**CONTINUE!**", screams Poccy.

Suddenly, the doorbell rings, Poccy's eye develops an interesting tic.

"Get the door, Pietro", says Warren.

Pietro totters off to the door as Poccy sighs.

"Let's just pick it up at the candle bit", he says.

Pietro returns with a zip to Warren's side, handing a business card over with Lord Lucas-David-Ian Haller-Xavier printed on it.

"Bit of a mouthful", mutters Pyro, "I wish I had multiple personalities, then I could have a business card with lots of names on it"

"A Lord Lucas, Sir", he says.

"George Lucas?", squeaks Warren in delight, then deflates at the card, "…oh…I wanted to pet a wookie" (1)

"I haven't a head for dates", says Lucas, walking in, "Apparently, I'm a day early for the ceremony"

As Amara takes the card and peers at it, Warren leans in.

"Is he from your side of the family?", he whispers.

"I can't recall", blinks Amara, then clicks her fingers, "Pietro, a seat for Lord Lucas"

"**I AM NOT YOUR SLAVE!**", screams Pietro in drama-queen style, but speeds up with a chair, which Lucas manages to plonk his rear on before it takes out his legs.

"Do carry on", says Lucas, waving at Scott and Jean.

"Lets try it again, shall we. Master Summers?", asks Poccy.

"Yes….Yes, sir…certainly", says Scott as Jean helpfully lights his candle, holding up his left hand.

"Right", says Poccy in a deadly undertone.

"Right", nods Scott, not comprehending for a minute, "Oh, right!"

He quickly switches the hand he's holding.

"With this……this", he looks uncomprehending at the limb he's holding up.

"Hand", growls Poccy

"With this hand", says Scott, taking Jeans and leading her to the table, walking right into it.

"**THREE, STEPS, THREE!**", screams Poccy

"…You know, an evil overlord may not have been the best casting choice", murmurs Pyro.

"Can you not count?", rants Poccy, "Do you not wish to be married, Master Summers?"

"No! No", says Scott shaking his hand trying to defuse the situation.

"You do not?", asks Jean quietly.

"No!", squeaks Scott, "I meant, no. I do not not wish to be married"

"That's just bad grammar", says Pyro, "Shame on you"

"This is, I want very much to", carried on Scott, but is smacked over the head with Poccy's staff, "Ow!"

"**PAY ATTENTION!**", screams Poccy, "Have you even remembered to bring the ring?"

"The ring?", asks Scott, then nods, rummaging in his pockets, "Yes. Of course"

As he pulls it out, held between his thumb and forefinger, it slips out, bouncing across the church. Scott whimpers, running after it.

"Dropping the ring", growls Poccy, "This boy doesn't **WANT** to get married!"

"How disgraceful", sniffs Amara, then blinks in shock as the ring goes under her dress, Scott going right after it, pulling it out, "…..I would run"

"Got it!", says Scott triumphantly.

With a whoosh, Amara's dress sets on fire from Scott's discarded candle.

"**FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE!**", squeals Pyro.

"Out of the way, you ninny!", says Warren, trying to stamp out the blaze.

"Oh dear! Oh, my! Giddy on, a woman on fire!", babbles Bobby, "Help! Emergency!"

"You're the one with ice powers, you twit!", snaps Jubes, fanning the blaze with her fan, "Oh, I hope it doesn't stain"

"Stop fanning it, you fool!", snaps Amara, despite the fact she shouldn't actually be bothered by the flames, what with being able to survive in an active volcano and all.

Amidst the chaos, Poccy gives a defeated sigh, closing his book. While everyone panics, Lucas coolly and clammy tips the goblet of wine on the fire, putting it out. Lucas tosses the goblet away, Pietro catching it with a flourish on a tray.

"We should be a double act", says Pietro, "It'd be, like, destiny!"

"….No", says Lucas, "Just…..no"

"**ENOUGH!**", snaps Poccy, "This wedding cannot take place until he is properly prepared"

Everyone glares at Scott, who is in a corner, trying to be invisible.

"Young man", says Poccy ominously, "learn your vows"

Scott backs away form the angry faces, hitting the door, which he scrabbles to open and makes his escape.

"Well, he's quite the catch, isn't he?", says Lucas sarcastically.

Meanwhile, Scott has escaped to the bridge just outside of town, where he is looking sadly at the flower Jean handed to him.

"Oh, Jean", he sighs, "She must think I'm such a fool. This day couldn't get any worse"

"You should never say that", says Pyro.

"Hear ye,. Hear ye!", shouts Juggernaut as he strolls the streets, "Rehearsal in ruins as Summers boy causes chaos! Fishy fiancé could be canned! Greys all fired up as Summers disaster ruins rehearsal"

"Told you", says Pyro smugly.

Scott sighs wandering into a forest which looks suspiciously like the one in Nightmare Before Christmas. (2)

"It really shouldn't be all that difficult", Scott says to himself, "It's just a few simple vows. With this hand, I will take your wine. Ugh, no. With this hand, I will cup your…"

Scott stops himself.

"Oh, goodness, no!", he sighs, walking deeper into the woods, "With this.. with this candle, I will….I will"

He lets out a deep sigh.

"I will set your mother on fire", he says, sitting down on a rock, "Oh, it's no use"

He pulls out the ring and flower, smelling it (the flower, not the ring, he's not that weird). He then narrows his eyes determinedly.

"With this hand, I will lift your sorrows", he says, flicking the ring in the air and catching it, "Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine"

He walks over to a tall gangly tree.

"Ahh, Mrs Grey", he says, "You look ravishing this evening"

He goes over to a tree with what appears to be wings.

"What's that, Mr. Grey?", he asks, "Call you 'Dad'? If you insist, sir"

"Talking to trees is not a good sign", muses Pyro.

Scott, however, is in full swing, breaking off a branch of a tree, miming using a smaller candle to light a big one.

"With this candle, I will light your way in darkness", he says, then walks to a hand-shaped twig coming out of the ground, "With this ring, I ask you to be mine"

He places the ring on a 'finger' with a flourish, then pauses as the wind howls….he looks behind him, noticing a large number of ravens behind him.

"Alfred Hitchcock lives!", squeaks Pyro

As Scott turns, he doesn't notice the 'twig' twitch… not until the hand grabs him and tries to yank him underground, that is. Scott squeaks, pulling away, bringing a skeletal hand, complete with his wedding ring, grabbing tightly to his arm.

"**ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!**", screams Scott, shaking it off.

Form where the hand was buried, the ground shakes as a female form, in a wedding dress, rises from the ground.

"Get to the nearest shopping mall!", says Pyro, "They can't get you there!"

The bride removes her veil, showing a rather blue-corpse Rogue.

"A'h do", she says.

Scott does the only sensible thing to do in this situation. He screams like a girls and makes a break for it. Rogue follows after him, picking up her arm as she goes. Scott continues to run, ripping his suit on trees as he passes, and skidding across a frozen lake. He finally makes it to the bridge, where he seems safe. He lets out a nervous laugh, walking backwards..right into Rogue.

"You may kiss the bride", she says, kissing him.

Scott promptly passes out.

"Oh yeah….powers", blinks Rogue.

**&&&&&**

(1) – I point out here that I despise all that is Star Wars, savour this joke, fans, you won't see me making many.

(2) – I am a Tim Burton nut. I notice things like this.

Bwahahaha! Next up, we go to the Land of the Dead! Do review. Until next time…


	5. Murder most foul

Mutant bride

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Oh, so that's why you had me kill my girlfriend, so I could see the CLOSET?"

**&&&&**

Act 5 – Murder most foul

**&&&&**

Scott reawakens to find himself in a very colourful bar.

"…I got drunk and passed out, didn't I?", he asks hopefully.

"No", says Pyro.

As Scott comes to, he can see Xavier and Rogue looking down at him. Normal….except Xavier is a skeleton with a handlebar moustache.

"A new arrival!", says Xavier cheerfully, where he seems to be drinking copious amounts of scotch.

"He must have fainted", says Rogue

"Yes, because you kissed him, you leech!", says Pyro.

"Are you alright?", asks Rogue, looking at Scott worriedly.

"What?", Scott blinks, "What happened?"

"By Jove, man", says Xavier, "Looks like we've got ourselves a breather!"

"By Jove?", asks Scott, "who's Jove?"

A blue tabby in a chefs outfit grins, looking at him.

"Does he have a dead brother?"

"Yes", says Alex, waving, "I'm part of your kitchen staff"

"He's still soft!", says Leech, poking Scott with a stick.

Scott whimpers, pulling himself to his feet and backing as close to the bar as possible.

"A toast, then!", says Logan, who is dressed like Napoleon, complete with sword through his stomach.

He clinks glasses with Sam, who has a cannonball hole through his chest (da bum bump). As Logan drinks, Sam takes away his sword, so the beer spills into his own glass. As Sam drinks, you see it happily go down through his hole.

"Stealin' Logan's beer is bad", growls Logan, "To the newlyweds"

"Newlyweds?", blinks Scott.

"Oh, in the woods", smiles Rogue, "You said your vows so perfectly"

"I did?", squeaks Scott, seeing the ring on her finger, then blinks again, "I did!"

At this, he begins to smack his head repeatedly on the bar top.

"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!"

"That never works, Scott", grins Pyro, "you'll only give yourself internal haemorrhaging"

"BONJOUR!", says a overly happy voice.

"….Oh Gods, no", says Scott, blinking up.

Remy's head. Let me repeated that. Remy's **HEAD** is brought through by Ray, and is deposited on the bar. Remy scuttled over to Scott on little legs

"He has legs in his neck?", asks Pyro, "Ewww, that's the last time I let him use my toothbrush"

"My name is Remy", says Remy, ignoring him, "I am the head waiter"

Crickets chirp.

"…Well, I thought it was good", mutters Remy, "I will be creating your wedding feast!"

Suddenly, Rogue's eyeball pops out of it's socket and Todd, now a maggot pops out.

"Wedding feast?", he grins, "I'm salivating!"

Rogue squeaks, pushing him back into her head and popping her eye back in.

"Maggots, heh heh heh", says Rogue, in a 'what're you gonna do?' voice.

Scott whimpers, backing away into Logan.

"Keep away!", cries Scott.

He makes a grab for Logan's sword.

"I have a…", he pauses, realising he is wielding the sword with Logan still attached, "I've got a dwarf! And I'm not afraid to use him!"

"Grawwwr", says Logan dryly.

"I want questions!", says Scott, waving Logan about, "**NOW!**"

"Answers", says Logan, "I think you mean answers"

"Thank you", says Scott, "Yes, answers! I need answers! What's going on here? Where am I? Who are you?"

"Well…", says Rogue, "That's kind of a long story…"

"But vhat a story it is!", says a skeleton Kurt from the stage, where he has only one eye and a bowing hat, "A tragic tale of romance, passion, and murder most foul!"

"This is gonna be good", whispers Logan.

Scott realises he's still wielding the little Canadian like a weapon, and promptly drops him on the floor.

"Ow"

Kurt tilts his head to one side, the single eyeball rolling down into the other eyesocket. He clicks a finger at a bunch of skeletal Jamies, who appear to be his own band.

"Hit it boys", says Kurt as the music begins, drumming on a few Jamie Skeleton heads.

"Quddit!", say the Jamies.

**Hey, give me a listen**

**You corpses of cheer**

**At least those of you**

**Vho still got an ear**

**I'll tell you a story**

**Make a skeleton cry**

**Of our own jubiliciously**

**Lovely Corpse Bride**

Rogue smiles shyly as the Jamie band sing.

_**Die, die, we all pass away**_

_**But don't wear a frown **_

_**Because it's really okay**_

_**You might try and hide**_

_**And you might try and pray**_

_**But we all end up **_

_**The remains of the day**_

Scott tries to sneak away, but Sam yoinks him back to the group as the Jamies boogie.

_**Na, nah, nah, na, na, **_

_**Na, nah, nah, na, na**_

Kurt hops back on stage.

**Well our girl vas a beauty**

**Known for miles around**

He walks over to where Rogue is standing on stage, her shadow making a living silhouette of herself on the wall, a male one joining her.

**When a mysterious stranger**

**Came into town**

The 'stranger' bows and kisses shadow Rogue's hand, causing her to swoon.

"A'h don't swoon", growls Rogue, "If a'h do anything, a'h pass out"

**He was plenty good looking**

**But down on his cash**

**And our poor little baby **

**She fell hard and fast**

Kurt sweeps his sister a little then smirks.

**When her daddy said no**

**She just couldn't cope**

**So our lovers came up**

**With a plan to elope**

Scott winces as the bar breaks into chorus again.

_**Die, die, we all pass away**_

_**But don't wear a frown **_

_**Because it's really okay**_

_**You might try and hide**_

_**And you might try and pray**_

_**But we all end up **_

_**The remains of the day**_

_**Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah**_

_**Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah**_

_**Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah**_

Kurt kicks the tray with Remy's head up in the air, so Remy sails off through the air. Kurt catches him and rolls him off his shoulders and off to a corner.

"Oww"

**Ze-do-bop-ze-do-bop-ze-do-bop-de-deooo**

"And now a random pointless dance number", says Pyro, "Dance, Jamie Clones, **DANCE!**"

The Jamie clones, indeed, perform a random dance number, using pieces of themselves as instruments.

"That sounded so naughty", giggle Pyro.

Kurt giggles a bit crazily.

**So they conjured up a plan**

**To meet late at night**

**They told not a soul**

**Kept the vhole thing tight**

**Now, her mothers vedding dress**

**Fit like a glove**

"Hey, I didn't say you could use that!", snaps Mystique.

**You don't need much **

**Vhen you're really in love**

**Except for a few things**

**Or so I'm told**

**Like the family jewels.**

Kurt pauses.

"Ve have family jewels?"

"Just sing the damn song!", snaps Rogue

**And a satchel of gold**

We cut to silhouette Rogue waiting by a tree, looking around worriedly

**Then next to the graveyard**

**By the old oak tree**

**On a dark, foggy night**

**At a quarter to three**

**She was ready to go**

**But where was he?**

"And then?", says Alex

"She vaited", says Kurt

"And then?", asks Tabby.

"There in the shadows? Vas it her man?"

"And then?", says Ray

"Her little heart beat so loud!", says Kurt

"And then?", asks the kitchen staff in unison.

The silhouette of Rogue is engulfed by and evil villain, who gives an evil villain laugh.

"And then, baby, everything went black", says Kurt, as the room darkens.

"Well, isn't that a nice story?", says Scott dryly, "Makes me feel warm and fuzzy"

When it lightens up, Kurt is lying on the piano.

**Now, vhen she opened her eyes**

**She vas dead as dust**

**Her jewels vere missing**

**And her heart vas bust**

**So she made a vow**

**Lying under that tree**

**That'd she'd vait for her true love**

**To come set her free**

**Always waiting for someone**

**To ask for her hand**

"…Crappity", says Scott

Scott is pushes at Rogue and the pair do the spinny thing, though Scott has a look of mortal terror on his face rather than joy.

**Then out of the blue**

**Comes this groovy young man**

"What have I told you about hanging out with Forge too much?", snaps Pyro.

**Vho vows forever**

**To be by her side**

**And that's the story**

**Of our Corpse Bride**

As they spin, Rogue's arm detaches, Scott taking it with him. He freaks throwing it away.

_**Die, die, we all pass away**_

_**But don't wear a frown **_

_**Because it's really okay**_

As Kurt does a stage dive, Scott fakes dances his way to the exit, making a break for it.

_**You might try and hide**_

_**And you might try and pray**_

_**But we all end up **_

_**The remains of the day**_

**Do-bop-de-do-bop-de-bop, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeah, **sings Kurt

"I think we shouldn't give Kurt anymore sugar", says Pyro as the elf bounces around.

&&&&

Weee, a rather large act, but I wanted to get the whole song in. Do review. Until next time….


	6. Something to cry about

Mutant bride

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "You got a wife? All I got is that dumbass stick sounds like it's raining. How come you got a wife?"

**&&&&**

Hey there, guys. As you can tell, this is late in being updating. I've started my final year in uni this week, this means on top of regular uni work, I have to work on my dissertation as well. Because of this, I can't promise weekly updates of my fics, they **will** be updated, but slower than usual, I apologise, tis the woes of studying.

**&&&&**

Act 6 - Something to cry about

**&&&&**

We open on the Land of the Living, where Hank is smoking a pipe and coughing rather violently.

"You know, if you didn't smoke that thing, you wouldn't cough", says Pyro unhelpfully.

"No kidding", says Hank dryly, "My, thank you for that valuable piece of information"

Inside the mansion, Jean is looking out of the window in worry, before her 'mother' interrupts.

"Jean, come away form the window!", snaps Amara.

Jean walks into the living room, where both sets of parents are sitting.

"I'm sure he'll be back shortly", assures Jubilee, "He's terrified of the dark. In fact, when he was a boy, he used to wet his combinations regularly, didn't he, Robert?"

Bobby makes a snorting sound.

"So…many…obvious jokes", he struggles, "Can't hold in…the laughter"

There is a knock at the door, and Warren arches a brow.

"Enter"

Lucas walks in, looking noble again.

"Ahh, Lord Lucas", smiles Amara, "I trust the room is to your liking"

"Thank you, you are a most gracious hostess", says Lucas, "Which is why it pains me to be the bearer of such bad news"

"Like hell", snorts Xavier, from backstage "He loves giving bad news, he's just like his mother"

"Hush, you!", snaps Pyro, "I want to hear the bad news"

"…Did you even read the script for the movie you're directing at **ALL**?", asks Jean.

"Not really", says Pyro, "I'm winging it"

Lucas clicks his fingers and Juggernaught walks in.

"Would you care to repeat tonight's headline for us?", asks Lucas.

Juggernaught blinks once, then starts ringing his bell and shouting, despite being in a small room, vibrating all the teacups.

"**HEAR YES, HEAR YE!**", he shouts, "**SCOTT SUMMERS SEEN ON THIS NIGHT ON THE BRIDGE IN THE ARMS OF A MYSTERY WOMAN! THE SKUNK-HAIRED TEMPTRESS AND MASTER SUMMERS SLIPPED AWAY INTO THE NIGHT!**"

Juggernaught stops for a beat and goes back to his normal voice.

"And now for the weather", he says, "Scattered showers…"

"Enough!", snaps Lucas, "That will be all"

"I hurt my throat doing that", sniffs Juggernaught, leaving "Not even a 'thank you, Uncle Cain'"

"Mystery woman?", asks Jubes, "He doesn't even know any women!"

"That, I can believe", says Pyro.

"I do **TOO **know women!", says Scott from backstage.

"Apart from women you know from school?", asks Pyro.

Scott mumbles quietly, going back to sit in a corner.

"Or so you thought", says Lucas, "Do call for me if you need my assistance…in any way"

With that, he leaves.

"Good, heavens, Warren, what should we do?", asks Amara.

"Fetch me musket", says Warren.

"…..Musket?", squeaks Scott.

"Yey, shooting!", grins Pyro.

"Bobby, do something!", whimpers Jubilee.

"The town crier probably just had a slow news day", says Bobby, grabbing the musket form Pietro before he can give it to Warren, ""You know how it is, you need a little something to cry about".

"Regardless", says Warren, "We are one groom short for the wedding tomorrow. Not to mention the financial implications"

"A most scandalous embarrassment for us all", sniffs Amara

"Yeah, big scandal, all this", yawns Pyro, "When can we go back to the Dead people?"

"Oh, give us a chance to find him", says Jubilee, "We beg of you"

"I like begging", grins Amara.

"Just give us until dawn", says Jubilee, ignoring her comment.

"Very well", sniffs Amara, "Till dawn"

"Ooooh ominous-ness!", grins Pyro.

We cut to the Land of the Dead, where Rogue is wandering the streets, looking for Scott.

"Scott, darling, where are you?", she calls.

"If you ask me", says Todd's voice form inside her head, "Your boyfriend is kind of jumpy"

"He's not my boyfriend, he's my husband", says Rogue, with quite a bit of glee, "Scott? Where have you gone?"

Her eye pops out as Todd peers through the socket.

"I'll keep an eye out for him", he says.

"Because, yeah, losing one eye for a pair of maggot eyes is so much better", mutters Rogue.

As Rogue calls for him, Scott is slinking through the Streets of the Dead, though Todd sees him.

"There he goes, there he goes!", shouts Todd, "He's getting away! Quick, quick, after him!"

"I hate you, Toad", says Scott, running for it, Rogue running after him, popping her eye back in.

She follows him past a second hand shop, where the severed hands helpfully point the way Scott went.

"Thank you….freaky hand-things", she blinks.

Scott hides in an open coffin, pretending to be dead. It works, Rogue runs right past him, as Wanda, a black widow spider, trails down a web to hang by his head.

"Married, huh?", she asks, "I'm a widow"

Scott yelps, swatting her away and running again.

"How rude", says Wanda moodily, "**HE WENT THAT WAY!**"

Scott races through the streets, Rogue once again on his heels. He stops by Lucid, giving him a shake.

"Please", he yelps, "There's been a mistake! I'm not dead!"

His violent shaking makes Lucid's head drop off.

"Oww", says Lucid's head.

Scott freaks and runs to a door, where Roberto is standing.

"Excuse me", he says, before splitting in half and hobbling past either side of Scott, each side speaking in unison, "Excuse me"

"..,….Well, I'm officially messed up for life", says Scott.

Scott continues to run, before coming to a..

"Dead end", he whimpers.

He turns, hearing Rogue voice, before staring to climb the wall. As he gets to the top, he reaches out and grabs something…Rogue's leg.

"You use the stairs, silly", she says, hoisting him up.

"I'm doomed", he says.

**&&&&**

Bwahaha! Do review. Until next time…


	7. Reoccuring roles

Mutant bride

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Uh, I'm afraid I ran over your dog in the driveway"

**&&&&**

Oh my word, I'm updating! Okay, I should be writing an essay on numerical skill in animals (damn you, Clever Hans!) but I decided to take a break and get an act of this done, as it is so late in being updated, it's not funny.

**&&&&**

Act 7 - Reoccurring roles

**&&&&**

We open on Scott being dragged up to the balcony by a happy looking Rogue.

"Happy looking Rogue", muses Pyro, "There's something you don't see every day"

"Isn't the view beautiful?", asks Rogue, pointedly ignoring Pyro, "It takes my breath away!"

She pauses.

"…Well, it would if I had any", she admits, "Isn't it romantic?"

She sits down on a bench, patting the space next to her. Scott, who looks as far removed from romantic as one can possibly get, nervously sits next to her.

"Look", he starts, "I am terribly sorry about what's happened to you, and I'd like to help, but I really need to get home"

"This is your home now", said Rogue.

"Wow, got the whip out already", says Pyro, "Poor Scotty didn't stand a chance"

"But I don't even know your name", says Scott.

"No one does, that's why I'm **ROGUE**", says Rogue.

"Well, that's a _great_ way to stat a marriage", says Todd voice sarcastically from within Rogue's head.

"Shut up, shut up!", hisses Rogue, putting her hands on her head.

Scott edges slightly further away on the bench from the crazy lady.

"It's Rogue", smiles Rogue.

"Rogue", repeats Scott, "As if I didn't see that one coming"

"Oh, I almost forgot!", says Rogue, "I have something for you"

She picks up a box and hands it to him.

"It's a wedding present", she says in a underhand whisper.

Scott looks at the box before giving it a gentle shake, before opening it, looking inside.

"Thank you?", he tries, holding up an old bone, "…No one's ever loved me enough to give me a pile of decaying bones before"

Suddenly, the box shakes violently, making Scott throw it to the floor like the sissy girl he is. A pile of bones fall out, reforming into a skeletal wolf.

"Why am I always the bloody dog?", snaps Rahne, "Every time!"

She picks up her collar and moodily walks over to Scott, depositing it by his feet. Scott picks up the collar and looks at it.

"Rahne?"

"Bark. Bark", says Rahne.

"Rahne!", says Scott happily, "My dog Rahne!"

"**IT'S LIKE LASSIE!**", squeals Pyro, "Okay, Lassie of the Dead, maybe, but still Lassie!"

"Oh, Rahne, what a good girl", says Scott, petting her.

"I hate you all", says Rahne.

"I knew you'd be happy to see her", smiles Rogue.

"Who's my good Girl?", says Scott, "Sit, Rahne, sit!"

"Rahne Sinclair doesn't do sit", says Rahne.

"Rahne Sinclair will do sit or her favourite toy will be roasted on an open fire", says Pyro.

"Not squeaky bone!", sobs Rahne, before sitting begrudgingly.

"Good girl, Rahne", says Scott, "Roll over. Roll over"

Rahne does so, her body rolling while her head remains stationary.

"Good girl, Rahne", says Scott, "Play dead"

Rahne cocks her head at him and whimpers.

"Sorry", mutters Scott.

Rogue giggles as Rahne sits up on the bench.

"Oh, what a cutie!"

"You should have seen her with fur", says Scott, "Mother never approved of Rahne jumping up like this. But then again, she never approved of anything"

"Do you think she would have approved of me?", asks Rogue.

"You're lucky you'll never have to meet her", says Scott, then pauses, forming a plot, "Well, actually, now that you mention it, I think you should. In fact, since we're…you know..married, you should definitely meet her. And my father too. We should go and see them right now"

"..Not too good at being sneaky, are you?", asks Pyro.

"What a fantastic idea!", says Rogue, "Where are they buried?"

"Oh", says Scott.

"What?", frowns Rogue, "What is it?"

"They're not from around here", says Scott.

"Where are they?", asks Rogue.

Scott sighs, then points upwards.

"Oh, they're still alive!", says Rogue.

"I'm afraid so", says Scott.

"Thanks a lot, Scott!", says Bobby, backstage.

"Yeah, you really feel the love, don't you?", snaps Jubilee.

"Well, that is a problem", says Rogue.

"Bark. Bark. Bark", says Rahne dryly.

"What's that, Rahne?", asks Rogue, "Little Timmy's fallen down the well?!"

"Bark, bark", says Rahne.

"Oh no", says Rogue, "We couldn't possibly"

"Bark, bark"

"Oh, well, if you put it like that…", says Rogue.

"….You don't find it the least bit disturbing you're talking to a wolf?", asks Scott, "…what?"

"Elder Magnet", says Rogue, a clash of thunder sounding.

More thunder crashes as we cut to an old tower, which Rogue, Rahne and Scott are climbing. They enter a big room with lots of books.

"Elder Magnet?", calls Rogue, "Are you there? Hello? Is anyone home? Hello?"

Scott whimpers, backing into a pile of books and sending them flying. A bunch of Mystique-like Ravens suddenly swarm through the air, as a skeletal Magneto pokes his head around a pile of books, stopping a swining lamp.

"There you are!", says Rogue happily.

"Why am I always the old man?", asks Magneto.

"The same reason Rahne is always the dog", says Pyro, "A mystery of the universe"

"Oh, my dear, there **you** are", says Magneto, putting on a pair of glasses.

"I brought my husband, Scott", says Rogue.

"What's that?", asks Magneto, "Husband?"

"……Thanks for smashing some more of my rapidly declining self-esteem", says Rogue, "I can get any husband I want, I'll have you know"

"Pleasure. To. Meet. You. Sir", says Scott in the manner of talking to the old and bewildered.

"I'll get you later", grumbles Magneto.

"We need to go up", says Rogue, "Upstairs? To visit the land of the living"

"Land of the living?", Magneto shakes his head, walking slolws down form his pile of books, "Oh, my dear"

"Stop calling me that, it's creepy", says Rogue, "Please, Elder Magnet"

"Now, why go up there, when people are dying to get down here?", asks Magneto.

"Sir, I beg you to help", says Scott, "I means so much to me…us"

"I don't know", says Magneto, scratching his head, lifting up a flap of bone, "It's just not natural"

"Please, Elder Magnet", pleads Rogue, removing his hand before he does himself long-term damage, "Surely there must be something you can do"

"Mm, let me see what I can do", says Magneto, patting her hand and walking off, "Where did I put that book?"

"There are a billion books here", grumped Scott, "We'll be here until July!"

Magneto ignores him, rummaging around the piles of books.

"I left it here somewhere", he says, before pausing by a bookcase, "Ah, there's the one"

He pulls out a red book with a skull and crossbones on it, blowing off the dust and taking it to his desk, gathering up ingredients.

"I have it", he says, flicking through the pages, "A Ukrainian haunting spell. Just the thing for there quick trips"

"So glad you thought of this", grins Rogue to Scott, hugging his arm.

"Me too", says Scott, a little guilty.

Magneto is meanwhile busying himself by adding lots of ingredients to a glass, finally pulling out a feather from a Mystique-Raven next to him.

"Assault!, she caws.

Magneto drinks the brew, burps contentedly, then flicks to a new page of the book.

"Now, then, where were we?"

"….All that so you could get some booze?", blinks Pyro.

"The Ukrainian haunting spell", adds Rogue helpfully.

"Aha", says Magneto, grabbing Mystique by the neck and squeezing out an egg.

"Doom to you!", screams Mystique, flying off.

"Here we have it", says Magneto, picking up the egg, "Ready?"

They nod.

"Just remember, when you want to come back, say 'Hopscotch'"

"…Hopscotch?", giggled Rogue.

"That's it", says Magneto, cracking the egg over them.

They are covered in a goo and transported to the land of the living.

"Mmmm free goo", says Pyro

**&&&&&**

Weee, more insanity done and dusted! Do review. Until next time…


	8. The other woman

Mutant bride

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer:

**&&&&**

I apologise for the lateness of this update, and the fact I haven't updated Yin and Yang for ages either. Uni work is still sucking away at life like a sponge, alas. Seems I only have time to do oneshots at best. Anyway, hold on in there, hopefully I can get some more done of Christmas.

**&&&&**

Act 8 - The Other Woman

**&&&&**

The Firey Goo™ soon deposits Rogue and Scott in the forest where he found her. Rogue gasps, looking around.

"A'h spent so long in darkness, a'hd almost forgotten how beautiful the moonlight is", she says.

"Umm..yeah, beautiful moonlight", says Scott, "I wouldn't know. Only seeing in shades of red and all"

"Oh, stop whingeing, whiney-whinerson", says Pyro.

The Random Butterfly that Scott released at the beginning of the parody (shall I wait for you to go read back? Done? Okay) flitters past them and towards the moonlight. Rogue sighs then begins to dance around the forest clearing.

"That's very…err… random", says Scott, blinking.

As Rogue does her random dance, her leg falls off, luckily, Scott has his head turned away, confused by all the sudden randomness.

"Psst, hey, I think you dropped something", says Todd, poking out of her ear.

Rogue very nonchalantly puts her leg back on, just as Scott look at her again. She paused, before randomly dancing again.

"Maybe if we watch long enough, she'll take her clothes off", says Pyro hopefully.

"I think you're confusing her with Wanda", says Scott.

"I wish she was Wanda", sighs Todd, "I could do with some naked Wanda right now….she isn't behind me, is she?"

Rogue continues her random dance before Scott, unable to take the randomness anymore gently grabs her arms.

"Hold on", he says, sitting her down on a tree stump, "I think I should prepare Mother and Father for the big news"

"Hey Mom and Dad, I married a corpse!", says Pyro, "Yeah, I can see why they'd need to be prepared for that"

"I'll go ahead and you..", says Scott, "wait..here"

"Perfect", says Rogue, then scowls, "Man, a'hm such an airhead!"

"I won't be long", lies Scott, backing away, "Stay right here. I'll be right back"

"Okay", smiles Rogue.

Scott leans in back, waggling a finger.

"No peeking"

Rogue giggles as Scott walks away a few paces then **BOLTS. **He makes it to the Worthington mansion, a bunch of ravens watching him evilly from the rooftops. He brushes himself off and goes to knock the door, pausing when he hears Warren's voice.

"If I ever see that Summers boy I'll strangle him with my bare hands!"

"Your hands are too fat, and his neck is too thin", says Amara, "You'll have to use a rope"

"Yes, yes, a rope….", Warren blinks, "**MY HANDS ARE NOT FAT!**"

Scott whimpers, edging away form the door and heading around to the other side of the house. In the woodland, Rogue sighs sadly as she waits for him to 'be right back'.

"This is the voice of your conscience", pipes up Todd, "Listen to what I say. I have a bad feeling about that boy. You know he is no…"

Rogue smacks one side of her head, Todd flying of the opposite ear and landing in the snow.

"Oww", he says, poking his head up, "That hurts when you have no hands to break your fall"

"Go chew someone else's ear for a while", says Rogue, "Scott has just gone to see his parents, just like he said"

"If I hadn't just been sitting in it, I would say you had lost your mind!", says Todd, then blinks, "That is so not a sentence I ever want to repeat"

"Ah'm sure he has a perfectly good reason for taking so long", says Rogue.

"Are you sure he does?", asks Todd, "Why don't you go ask him?"

"All right, a'h will!", says Rogue.

"After all", says Todd, pointing at the footprints Scott has left in the snow, "He couldn't get far with those cold feet"

Back at the mansion, Scott climbs up a pillar towards Jean's window, where she is sitting by the fire sewing a quilt.

"You man makes a break for it, you sew", says Pyro, "What a way of coping"

Jean turns and looks as Scot climbs onto the balcony and taps the window. She blinks, walking over to the window and opening it so he could fall inside.

"Jean", says Scott.

"Scott?", says Jean, "I'm so happy to see you!"

"How very Dawson's Creek", says Pyro.

"Come by the fire", says Jean, leading him to a chair, "Where have you been? Are you all right?"

"I..I", starts Scott, then sighs, "Oh dear"

"You're as cold as death", says Jean, worried, "What's happened to you? Your coat"

Scott looks at his torn coat and sighs.

"Jean, I confess, this morning I was terrified of marriage", he says, "But then, on meeting you, I felt I should be with you always, and that our wedding couldn't come soon enough"

"Oh!", says Jean happily, "Scott, I feel the same!"

"I don't wanna wait, for my life to be ooover", sings Pyro.

The couple are about to kiss when Scott sees Rogue clamber onto the balcony. He gives a manly gasp, then takes Jeans head in his hands to stop her from seeing.

"Jan, I se…se…", he stammers, "I seem to find myself married. And you should know it's unexpected"

Rogue opens the window, walking inside.

"My darling, a'h just wanted to meet…", Rogue pauses, seeing Jean.

Both women gasp at each other while Scott stands in the middle looking confused and guilty.

"Darling", says Rogue, grabbing Scott's arm, "Who's this?"

"Who is she?", asks Jean.

"A'hm his wife", says Rogue, showing off the ring on her finger.

"I bet you wish you were anywhere but here right now, dontcha Scotty-Boy", says Pyro with a giggle, "If you girls decide to have a catfight, I'll happily provide the jelly and bikinis"

"Scott?", asks Jean.

"Jean, wait. You don't understand!", says Scott, "She's dead, look?"

He waves Rogue's bony arm. Rogue doesn't take to this kindly, moving away and narrowing her eyes. It's clear she's going to say something dark, something twisted, something that will stick in the mind for years to come.

"Hopscotch", she growls.

Yeah. Anyway, the ravens swarm around them as Rogue grabs Scott, both heading out of the window.

"No, Jeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaan", says Scott as he's dragged away, soon reappearing in Magneto's house.

"You lied to me!", snaps Rogue, "Just to get back to that other woman!"

"Don't you understand?", asks Scott, "You're the Other Woman"

"I'll just keep standing here, quietly, then", says Magneto dryly, "Don't mind me. Please, carry on"

"No!", snaps Rogue, "You're married to **me. She's** the Other Woman!"

Rogue begins to cry, loudly.

"She's got a point", says Magneto.

"And a'h thought…a'h thought this was all going so well!", cries Rogue, literally crying an eye out.

Scott sighs, picking up her eye and rubbing it off on his jacket.

"Look, I'm sorry but…", he hands it back to her, "This just can't work"

"Why not?", asks Rogue, taking her eye back and popping it back in, "It's my eye, isn't it?"

"If anyone should be worried about an eye, it's Cyke", says Pyro with a giggle.

"No, your eye is..", Scott thinks up a word, "……lovely"

Scott sighs.

"Listen, under different circumstances, well, who knows?", he says, "But we're just too different. I mean, you're dead".

"You should have thought about that before you asked me to marry you", bites back Rogue.

"Why can't you understand?", asks Scott, "It was a mistake. I would never marry you"

"OH, well done", says Magneto with a dry clap.

Scott realises his boo-boo far too late. Rogue sighs sadly, walking off, leaving Scott looking very guilty indeed.

**&&&&**

And there is another act done! Lord knows when it will happen again, hopefully not too long a wait. Do review. Until next time…


	9. A tear to shed

Mutant bride

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer:

**&&&&**

Yes, this is late and I do apologise, I also apologise if it's below par. My muse has been acting up lately. I won't change much anyway, as I think this is a beautiful song (the solo parts, anyway) and shouldn't be tampered with too much.

&&&&

Act 9 - A tear to shed

&&&&

Still mad at Scott, Rogue finally stops in an alleyway. She sits on a coffin bench with a sad sigh, looking through the flowers in her bouquet.

"Roses, for eternal love", she mutters, "Lilies for sweetness. Baby's Breath"

"What an ironic flower arrangement", comments Pyro.

She tosses the flowers aside as Wanda dangles from a web to by her head.

"Why so blue?"

"That's Kurt, Hnak and Mystique", says Pyro helpfully, "Rogue's colour of choice is green. Say it with me. Gre-een"

"Maybe he's right", says Rogue, "Maybe we are too different"

"Maybe he should have his head examined", says Todd's voice form in her head as she yanks him out of her ear, "I could do it"

"A **world** of no", says Scott from backstage.

"Oh perhaps he does belong with her", says Rogue, adding snidely, "Little Miss Living, with her rosy cheeks and beating heart"

"Little Miss Living, from all good retailers this spring", announced Pyro, "Heartbeat not included"

"Oh, those girls are ten a penny!", says Wanda, "You've got so much more. You've got…you've got…"

Wanda considers this for a moment.

"You've got a wonderful personality!"

"……A cup of arsenic, please", says Rogue.

"CHEER UP MUSIC, AHOY!", shouts Pyro.

**What does that wispy little brat have**

**That you don't have double?,** sings Todd.

She can't hold a candle to the beauty of your smile, sings Wanda, "Oh Gods, I think I'm going to vomit"

"How about a pulse?", asks Rogue.

**Overrated by a mile**

Overvalued

**Overblown**

"Over the rainbow!", says Pyro.

**If he only knew the you that we know**, Todd and Wanda sing together.

"We make beautiful music together, Honeybunch", smiles Todd.

"Back. Off", snarls Wanda, walking over to Rogue's hand, holding it up.

And that silly little creature

Isn't wearing his ring

**And she doesn't play piano**

Or dance

**Or sing**

**No she doesn't compare**

"But she still breathes air", mutters Rogue.

**Who cares?**

**Unimportant**

Overrated

**Overblown**

"Over balanced!", grins Pyro.

**If only he could see **

**How special you can be**

**If he only knew the you that we know**

Rogue looks away sadly getting up, beginning to sing a much less happy song.

_If I touch a burning candle_

_I can feel no pain_

"Me either!", says Pyro, "Lets get married!"

_If you cut me with a knife_

_It's still the same_

"No, that's Logan", adds Pyro.

_And I know her heart is beating_

_And I know that I am dead_

_Yet the pain here that I feel_

_Try and tell me it's not real_

_And it seems that I still have_

_A tear to shed_

She sinks down to sit on a step, as Wanda dangles from a web by her held, Todd clinging on for dear maggoty life.

"Momma", he whimpers.

**The sole redeeming feature **

**From that little creature**

**Is that she's alive**

Overrated

**Overblown**

"Over Easy!", shouts Pyro.

Everybody knows 

That's a temporary state

Which is cured very quickly

When we meet our fate

Rahne walks over, the bouquet in her mouth.

"I am NOT playing fetch anymore", she growls, "If you want it, why throw it away in the first place?!"

**Who cares?**

Unimportant

**Overrated**

Overblown

"Overdrawn!", giggles Pyro.

**If only he could see**

**How special you can be**

**If he only knew the you that we know**

Rogue twangs Wanda, so she and Todd shoot off up the web.

"Only trying to heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp", yelps Todd.

Rogue ignores them, going back to lie on the coffin bench.

_If I touch a burning candle_

_I can fee no pain_

_In the ice or in the sun_

_It's all the same_

_Yet I feel my heart is aching_

_Though it doesn't beat_

_It's breaking_

_And the pain here that I feel_

_Try and tell me it's not real_

_Though I know that I am dead_

_Yet it seems that I still have_

_A tear to shed_

Todd and Wanda leave her to her emo moping.

"Wow, that took up an entire chapter, and it's had very little work done in it", says Pyro, "TF needs sacking, I tell you, who am I working with here? I want my agent!"

&&&&

Umm. Yeah, Pyro…agent. Anyway, that's it for now, yes, I know it is crap, but alas, my mojo has not returned, if you see it, give it a clack and send it home. Do review. Until next time…


End file.
